- Kathy Kerber
How to get what you want
Updated: Apr 27, 2021
I'm not going to start with an excerpt from a Dale Carnegie book, or Mick Jagger song, but instead, I want to talk about redirecting our thoughts from the pursuit of relationship, job, etc ideals to what we REALLY want. I'm approaching this topic because I'm in a difficult place in my life. I'm turning 53 this year, and I had spent 22 years of my life with one man, learning and growing together, struggling, and both of us choosing over and over to remain faithful, to not give up through some very dark times. The result of that journey was a sense of togetherness that I miss terribly. And no one can replace Ron in my life. Nor would I want them to. But, for a time, I began considering allowing my heart to be open to someone else. However, the overwhelming thought string has been, "Maybe I'm too old to start over. How could I ever know anyone the way we knew each other? I don't want to settle for less than being truly known by my spouse." Eventually I decided to let the idea go. Over the last couple of weeks, while it might seem I've moved backwards, in a way, I feel more like myself. I'm wearing our bonded wedding bands again, and I don't think I'll be taking them off. Not because I'm not open to God's plan if there is another marriage in my future, but because I still love Ron. He was my match. I am still married to him. He still has my heart. And these rings feel good on my ring finger. I'm still alone, and still grieving, and I need the Lord to teach me how to move forward, but I've stopped looking outward to fill the emptiness in my heart. I am vulnerable, and because I don't want to be mislead, I am seeking His guidance. I thought I would share with you as He helps me unpack these areas of need, and redirects my heart to seek Him for fulfillment.
I've made a list. They might not all apply to you, so feel free to replace this list with your own.
1. We want to be seen and understood.
2.We want to feel loved and accepted
3.We want a sense of hopefulness about the future
4. We want to be valued and cherished
5.We want to prosper and do well in our relationships and careers.
6.We want to be feel safe and watched over
7.We want to grow and improve our lives
8.We want friendship and companionship
9.We want to be forgiven for our failings and our wrongs
10.We want to live with purpose and leave a legacy
1. Being Seen and Understood
As I wrote this first one, my heart cried out, because being married to Ron for 22 years meant just that. He knew me, probably better than I knew myself. He understood me and accepted me as I was. But there is another Who has always known me, and His arms are the ones I fall into now when I feel lonely and need comfort. Today I read all of Psalm 139. Oh how it speaks to being seen and understood! I'll start you off with the first ten verses, but please don't stop there. It will be the best part of your day, I promise!
Psalm 139 1-10 (NIV) 1You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. 5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.