I can complain with the best of them. Somewhere along the way, the Lord has shown me what a serious and destructive character defect this is. If you know me well, you've heard me complain. But I've begun to try to get a handle on it. God has shown me that my obedience is not complete, so long as I am whining about the circumstances. I am trying to understand the root of this need to complain, and I hope to gain some wisdom as I work to let it go. How can I be a light in the world, when my mouth is busy complaining about the unfairness of my situation, whatever it is? I'm not specifically talking about life as a widow, but that does factor into my gut response to perceived hardship. I'll call it what it is - self-pity. I have no shortage of character defects, but I find it interesting that the two I've mentioned here go hand-in-hand, but can stand alone, as well. Both are ugly, and if I'm honest, completely useless. They add to the chaos in my mind, hamper my growth, and steal my peace. They turn my face away from the Lord and His goodness, and toward myself and my wants.
I do try to be grateful in all circumstances, and the way these defects manifest is not intentional on my part, but rather a set pattern of thinking. The Holy Spirit does often redirect me, and I am always so glad to return to that place of gratefulness, but in the dark inner thoughts, the enemy finds a foothold, and I wonder what my thought-life would look like without those liabilities running the show. I pray that the Lord will reveal that to me as I endeavor to surrender my tendency to complain, to seek validation in my circumstances. I suspect this will be a difficult journey, but, as in all things undertaken out of a desire for obedience and a closer walk with the Lord, I know it will be worth it, and I am excited to see what He will do in me.
I would love to know if you can relate, or have a similar struggle. I hope you will comment or send a message here.
Blessings, Friend