Updated: Apr 27, 2021
Have you ever started a new thing in your life, only to find you have inexplicably lost the focus and will to continue? I don't know about you, but for me, that rush of passionate pursuit is always followed by feelings of disappointment and defeat, and I lose faith in my ability to complete whatever new thing I was trying to do. When people are successful at effecting change, we chalk it up to their having more willpower or strength than we do, as we know all too well, the odds stacked against us when we endeavor to alter our lifestyle and habits.
I've been afflicted with this obsession with food from a very young age. How I've longed to be free of it, and the consequences of submitting to it! I've shared before how dark this journey has been, but I haven't before shared where it started. I can't go into detail here, because other people's stories are involved, but I can say there were things that happened early in my life which left me with a constant, gnawing feeling of want in my heart and in my belly. From the age of 5, I clearly remember NEEDING food around me. I remember hoarding food. I remember stealing food. It didn't even matter if I could eat it all. I just needed it around me. This was a psychological condition. I know that after having had the benefit of years of counseling, none of which could really change these set patterns. But I have seen God bring SO MUCH healing to this area of my life. I can't even comprehend what He has done. I only know His touch on my heart has allowed me to change some of my behaviors around this fixation on food. Prior to counseling, God blessed me with children, and I found my anxiety around food even more heightened. If something was on sale, I would bring it home....in cases, friend. I had food in my purse, food in my vehicle, and even in my suitcase when we traveled. At all times, I had food, lest my children go without. This was a complete surrender to what felt like an uncontrollable compulsion.
Praise God, that is no longer who I am. I understand God will provide, because I've seen Him do it over and over again. God, in His mercy gently, repeatedly proves Himself in my life. Why He cares enough to do that, I do not know, but He does it. One need only stop and reflect to see His loving hand working in our lives. I don't know what your struggle looks like, but whether it is a fixation, compulsion, or something else, God is the answer. He WILL heal your heart. That is Who He is. He won't solve your problems, but He will give you the power to change. And then it is your choice to believe you can change.
I am speaking from experience, because even though I know God will provide food and everything I need. I am just like the Israelites wandering in the desert. EVERY SINGLE TIME I have to choose to believe He WILL provide. I have to choose to believe that HE is enough. And as I continue to make the same choices, to believe God is and will continue working, the connections are lighting up in my brain, and the more worn the pathways, the stronger the connections. That is when the "magic" of change happens. I think it is amazing how God has designed our brains for this process of trusting Him more and more.
God has healed my heart of the need to hoard food, and instead has given me a heart of sharing food. I love to cook for people and send people home with food. While I am still learning to let go of overeating and the lack of trust reflected in that action, He has allowed me to see clearly that healing is possible. Even when patterns are set in place at an early age! What is most remarkable to me is that the things that happened to me in my early life are not erased. I haven't forgotten that feeling of want, of need, of obsession, of compulsion to get food. Instead, God illuminates Himself in this new thing He is doing.
That is Who He is. He allows us to struggle with weaknesses and failings, to feel deep loss and brokenness so that we might better see His strength and power, and understand what it is to be whole in Him.
Light shines brightest in the darkness. I hope you will reflect on His power in your weakness, and make choices today that will bring about and make permanent the changes you want to see in your life.
Stay the course. Blessings, Friend.
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Updated: Apr 27, 2021
This video about the Eat Like a Bear protocol is really all I want to "say" today.
A Postcard From Yellowstone: A Message Of Hope
Updated: Apr 27, 2021
I sure feel like I've had enough experience with waiting, but the truth is I need a LOT more practice, because I'm not very good at it. I believe God is teaching me patience - with others and myself, and I am working on humbly submitting to that journey, but it feels very uncomfortable.
Acting as if I am healed of food addiction while waiting for His intervention in my heart is SO awkward! I don't know what it will be like when He has healed me of food addiction and compulsive overeating. I only know that the path of submission to food is well-worn, tended, and nurtured, and that it beckons me to return to what I know. Choosing another path is acting in faith that there is hope for healing, while being barraged with temptation after temptation. That is a difficult choice, but I am making it daily, sometimes hour by hour.
What does waiting look like in your life? Are you waiting for God to heal an area of your heart, your marriage, your relationship with your child? I propose that while God can heal instantly anything, often the path He has for us is one of waiting. We may be tired, angry, afraid, lonely, sad, hopeless, and we may truly be powerless to alter our circumstances. We may be so weary of the waiting, that we have forgotten that our God is worthy of our praise right now, right in the middle of our waiting. The song "Praise You in This Storm" starts with, "I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say, "Amen" and it's still rainin'" I could actually post the entire lyrics to drive this home, but if you've got a few minutes to listen, please go hear that song. Here is a YouTube link
As we wait on His healing, protection, correction, or direction, we must remember that HIs timing is not ours, and these long days, weeks, months, and years of waiting do NOT mean He isn't working. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
May our faith become stronger, may our worship be truer, may our hearts grow fonder as we wait on His perfect plan in His perfect timing.
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